The Betrayal of Beauty.....

I have written before on the subject of Beauty. So when I happened upon this quote, I couldn't help but share it with you. It's short enough, to the point, and speaks volumes.

There are too many individuals who are misled into believing the lie/illusion of beauty. They, themselves, are therefore left feeling inadequate and undeserving of acceptance, and in even worse cases, love.

This self defecating attitude must end. These "ad wizards" and "image makers" should be held accountable for their unrealistic public portrayals of beauty. Unfortunately, society is brainwashed in this myth and all too compliant with these portrayals.

Maybe I'm a bit passionate about this subject because I see beauty in all things.

Maybe it's because I know that perfection is an illusion.

Maybe it because of all the pain and heartache that comes with trying to live up to others' expectations in regards to their appearance. Which, in some cases can be a precursor to self abusive behavior.

I believe that the key to success in changing any negative perceptions about others lies in education and positive role models and mentors. We must learn to not live in ignorance but to thrive in the acceptance of all.

Life Intentions, a funny thing happened...........

 Sometimes, no matter how focused and driven we are, we end up finding ourselves in situations that we would have never imagined ourselves being in, while wondering how in the heck we ended up there.

It's as though all of our efforts were done in futility.

But wait.

It's alright.

And please do not be disappointed in yourself.

There could be many reasons why your journey has taken a left in stead of right (and visa-versa) turn. You may become aware of some of them sooner rather than later. And others will not show themselves but in an epiphany or two (or three and so on) much later on.

We must learn to accept these situations in faith, that maybe there are other forces around (based on your belief system) that have guided you to this place in life, in order to serve a greater purpose for yourself and in some instances, for those around you.

With this acceptance comes the Peace Of Mind that is needed to relax and enjoy this place that we find ourselves in, even though, we may have never intended to be here.

Saying "I Love You", Often and Honestly....

The three most powerful words ever spoken from one to another: "I Love You". When spoken with an honest and open heart, this phrase carries the most weight when voicing our true feelings of closeness. On the other hand, these same words, when spoken with a cold and calculating heart, can be the most manipulative and selfish words uttered to another.

I make it a point to tell the ones I care for deeply that I love them often. Whether it be in person, on the phone, via e-mail, text or by any other means of communication. When I speak or write these words, I mean them every time. I hold great reverence for this phrase and would never use it for any reason other than the purpose than it implies.

Unfortunately, I cannot say this for everyone. I cannot hold true that whoever says this phrase honestly means it. I have seen and heard this phrase being misused and abused by many. I have come to learn that these insincere individuals take advantage of others by using these words to manipulate and hold power. You see, dear reader, "I love you" holds much power because of its monumental meaning.

I would like you to take a bit more time to show your love and to speak it out loud as often as necessary with grace. You may find by doing this that the recipients will be more receptive to your true feelings than you might have otherwise thought. People do need to hear these words from their loved ones. It's a positive affirmation as well as a call to comfort and acceptance. We all need to be loved, and to know that we are loved is of utmost importance. Please also be mindful of those around you who are not sincere in expressing their love for you. Look to see beyond these words for what ulterior motive may be behind it. Do not allow yourself to succumb to another's lies and deceit in order to fulfill a need. It will only end in a most hurtful and painful way.

My hope for you, dear reader, is to have a life filled with love and laughter. To be happy and secure within yourself so that you can share your love with one another in a most pure and beautiful way. With only sincere intentions, and an open heart.

QUOTES......

Remember: people who are miserable, day in and day out, will never have your best interests in mind. So, it's best to cut them off ASAP and move on and away without them. Surround yourself with those who inspire and encourage you.

You deserve to be loved and accepted. You deserve to have those around you who give you comfort. You deserve to be respected.

Thoughtful Thoughts.......

Adversity holds the power to bring forth hidden treasures within yourself that would otherwise never be revealed. Embrace these gifts with gratitude and acceptance. The light of peace will then await you.

Mothers and Daughters, Daughters and Mothers.......

(me and my daughter)

To tell you the truth, I was not as close to my mom growing up as I would have liked. It wasn't util I left the house (at 18) that we became close. So close, in fact, that I just about worship her and all that she is to me. She is my heart, my home, my very best friend; and I'd be lost without her love in my life.

The moment I gave birth to my very own daughter, I knew that I did not want the same childhood relationship between mother and daughter that I had had. I vowed to make it better and right with her. In this process, she and I would become stronger, happier, and extremely bonded. It seemed as though, instinctually, I just knew what not to do as well as what to do. I have always been quite empathetic when raising my children, so putting myself back into my daughter's little shoes (and bigger ones as she's grown), I was able to relive, reconcile, and nurture her in the way in which I felt a mother's loving guidance should be. I am happy to say that she and I have a beautiful relationship, and I look forward to what the future brings between the two of us.

I share these words with you, dear reader, because of the many women that I see who suffer from resentful and dysfunction emotions associated with their relationships with either their mothers, daughters, or sometimes even both.

You see, the mother-daughter journey is a very complicated and intense life experience. So much so, that there have been numerous books and talk show "chats" about this very subject. My intention in today's post is to put things in simpler and more hopeful terms.

I'd like to convey to you, dear reader, some points in the following numbered statements:

1. No one's relationship with another is perfect. They are all flawed in one way or another. This is how it is and should be (we are here to learn). Do not feel as though you have to achieve perfection on this level.

2. Everyone has an innate desire for parental approval even though they may not admit it.

3. Women emulate their mother's behavior, good and bad. It is for you to choose the better and deal with the bad by separating yourself from it.

4. If your mother comes from a childhood full of chaos and/or disapproval, she may not have ever had the emotional capacity needed to raise you with the love, affection, and acceptance that you required. Also,she may never admit to or validate your feelings toward her. This has nothing to do with your worthiness.

5. We are all entitled to love and cannot thrive without it.

6. With your own daughter, never ever over compensate for your own mother's shortcomings. This will not bring you closer. It will only perpetuate your ill feelings toward your mom and in turn, breed new ones within your own daughter.

7. If you have the opportunity to confront your mother and she is willing to mend your relationship and move forward, then you are blessed. On the other hand, if your mother is no longer with you or she is not open to having a conversation, then you must move on in the acceptance of this fact. You will not be able to change the damage that has already been done. You can only look to the future by letting go.

8. You do have the power to choose a better and brighter life for yourself and your own daughter.

9. You do have the power to move forward with love for yourself and be a positive influence to your daughter.

10. You do have the power to not allow anyone to be neglectful and indifferent toward you, especially your mother.

11. A good relationship between mother and daughter is not a given for anyone. It is a blessing to be appreciated and cherished.

12.  You are the link between what your mother was to what your daughter will become.

Remember, it was your mother's responsibility to raise you, not the other way around. If there is still hope in your relationship, you may be able to help guide her and yourself to a more respectful and loving relationship. Within honestly and openness, you may be able to mend the broken fences and, in turn, breath new life into your outlook. Also, you may then have peace of mind when it comes to your relationships with all the other women in your life.

Be a good mother. Be a good daughter. Be blessed, for you are what love is.......

Telling others how PROUD you are of them is most important and we all need to hear it....

We are all born with the basic need to feel loved and accepted. One of the ways in which we show each other our fondness is by telling them how proud we are of them. We need to hear such things from our friends, peers, loved ones, and most of all, our parents (or caregivers). The act of telling your children how proud you are of them is one of the many fundamental building blocks of a healthy self image.

In order for us to feel good about who we are (and in turn feel good about those we choose to surround ourselves with) we must feel a sense of worth and importance. This positive self image is then perpetuated by the way in which we treat others as well as ourselves. If someone expresses that they really never care about how others feel about them, or that they don't require approval of any kind, they are not being truthful with you and most importantly, are lying to themselves. They are in denial and therefore, at times, can seem cold and unaffected.

If we are not nurtured with prideful caregivers, this leaves us forever seeking approval in others, often at our own expense. We then become victims and travel in the same dysfunctional circle for a lifetime, never finding the peace within ourselves to know that we are important and that we can accomplish great things; always wondering why we are not good enough and why life is so unfair. When a parent neglects their child in this way, they feel either consciously or subconsciously a sense of emptiness or a void. Until they are able to revisit and resolve their parents/care giver's shameful behavior and come to realize that the rejection they have felt had nothing to do with them but with the caregivers themselves, they will not have inner peace.


I share this subject today, with you, dear reader, for I was inspired (yesterday) by some one very special and important to me who has gone out of their way to show me this type of acceptance over the past few weeks. And for this, I am truly grateful. My hope for you is to help free you up of any old negative preconceptions about your worthiness and abilities.

We all have many accomplishments to be proud of. These accomplishments need not be monumental. They could be as simple as just getting through a rough day, not loosing your temper, helping out a dear friend, finishing a project on time, or smiling when you feel like crying. You should be proud of yourself each and every day. You should also say the words out loud: "I am very proud of you!" to those who deserve it, when it is appropriate and true.  These kind words should mean as much to you as to the recipient. Now, watch their face light up with delight!

Be Proud. Be Happy. Be True.

Saying "I'm sorry" is just the beginning of our commitment to behave......

"I'm sorry". We've all said it. We've all heard it. We've all meant it (or at least we thought we did). This simple phrase has always meant a great deal to me. Maybe it's because I have never had a problem saying it and then following through on this sincere statement. Or maybe it's because when I hear these words spoken to me I expect the very same sincerity in return and when this does not happen, I find myself disappointed and a little less respectful of the offender.

There are many motivators behind this phrase. Some are quite honest in sincere, while others are based in their own egotistical self preservation. In other words, the only thing they are sorry for is being caught behaving badly and not wanting to suffer any of the consequences.

To be truly sorry means that whatever it is that you are sorry for, after you apologize you are making a commitment to not do whatever it was that you were sorry for in the first place ever again. That's how strongly I feel about this admonition.

I do not want to just hear these words, I want to see action and follow through with this statement every time. You should mean what you say and say what you mean at all times possible, and expect the same respect back.  Do not let others mislead you with these words that you've wanted and deserved to hear, only to have the offender repeat their bad behavior over and over again. In this, these words have absolutely no meaning and you are, at some point, now responsible for allowing this cycle to continue and the pain that ensues because of it.

When my children were very young, teaching them how to properly apologize was of the utmost importance to me (among many other things). After their obligitory "I'm sorry" was spoken, I had them explain, out loud, to what they were sorry for and to promise not to do whatever that was again. Yes, it took quite a while for it all to stick, and I knew it would be a process; but I knew that it would eventually turn into sincerity. I knew that it would make them a bit more empathetic and trustworthy.

In closing, I would just like to reiterate the magnitude of this phrase, "I'm sorry". I would like you, dear reader, to be a bit more mindful when using it yourself and to not accept anything less from those around you who speaks these words to you. Be blessed and be kind.

The Recognition and Appreciation of Your Own Beauty

I'm sure we could all agree that sunsets, chubby babies, and rainbows are beautiful. At the same time, we also posses unique differences in our personal view when it comes to what we deem as beautiful. With our individual view, we find beauty all around us. I am writing this post today in order for you, dear reader, to recognize the beauty that is you. This is not a superficial statement, it is a truth in being.


Every individual born on this planet is a miracle to behold, and in this there is great beauty. Unfortunately we, as a society, have put unrealistic visions in our heads of what we are supposed to accept as being beautiful. I am here to tell you that these standards are not what real beauty is about and never will be because beauty is all inclusive.

You're personal beauty not only lies in your appearance but also within you. This combination, once recognized, will have a glowing effect on your life. It will also give you the confidence to spread your light upon those around you. Any negative voices need to be put out of your head so that you are free to accept the fact that you are worthy of others adoration. You are in control of your own standards and well being. You are a gift to yourself as well as others. You are beautiful!

Perfectly Imperfect the Key to Character and a Self Assured Outlook ....

Pictured below is an antique piano given to us by very dear friends. As you can see, on the exterior, the original casters are missing. What you can't see, on the interior, is the inner workings that will not allow for it to stay in tune any longer. What you hear is a mostly off key instrument with a few good notes in between. I find great beauty and joy in this piece, in all of it's imperfections, and for the character it holds within. I thought that this would serve as an appropriate metaphor for this post. Even the lamp that sits on top (pictured below) is missing some of its original crystals which I have attempted to replace over time.

Ok, I'll be the first to admit it, I can be bit of a perfectionist. It's just part of my genetic makeup. I work hard on curbing my critical nature, but at the same time, I feel fortunate to be this way because it helps me to stay focused. I am most critical when it comes to myself, in all aspects of my being, from the superficial to the supremely important things; yet when it comes to the world around me, I find the most beauty in its imperfections.

First let me express my thoughts on perfection. I truly believe that the whole concept of perfection is an unachievable myth. Those who try to achieve perfection never really get there because there will inevitably be an even higher accomplishment or standard set right in front of them, which makes it a constant and almost infinite plight. Perfection is also quite subjective. What I deem as perfect, you may not, and visa versa. Also, if someone presents themselves to others as being perfect then, well, there are just too many internal issues within their being for me to consider delving into on this post. We can visit that type of person at another time. Let's just say, for now, that they are not.

The dents, dings, and lopsidedness of it all is what really gives me great joy! This goes for all living things as well as objects. For example, the used chest that has the veneer peeling off a bit is more appealing to me with it's old patina than a brand new one. The old house, even though it needs a lot of work, gives me goosebumps as opposed  to the ones in the newest development. The quirky old friend that I just cannot figure out and older women that carry themselves with class and grace are way more pleasing to me than the opposites of the aforementioned. All theses examples have one common thread running throughout: character.

 You see, perfection really does not rate high on the character scale with me. I believe that in imperfection, you find the real beauty within yourself and the world around you. The seasoned individual, the well developed soul, the wisdom accumulated through a lifetime of trial and error, and the untuneable old piano.

I would like you to be able to find the peaceful truth of this overshadowed beauty within you and to reach out into your surroundings while embracing its imperfection of character. To be comfortable with your body, home, and the ones you love. Not to be expecting this unattainable myth of yourself, or anyone you know, because moving forward you'll find that this is an unreasonable request and will ultimately leave you damaged, disappointed, and unassured. Also, do not ever let anyone put these expectations of their perception of perfection onto you. You cannot and should not live up to those unreasonable standards because you are already perfectly imperfect. Be blessed, be happy, and be you !!

Go Ahead, Turn that Frown Upside Down and SMILE!!!

I'm quite sure I was born with a smile on my face. I am innately a smiler and hugger. It does not matter if I know you or not, smiles (and hugs) are given often and freely by me, and I am grateful to be this way; for a smile given to another is a wonderful gift. It always has a positive impact on the recipient. When you smile you look prettier (or more handsome), for your face glows and light shines through your eyes. Facial recognition shows acceptance and approval to others. It makes you feel good on the inside while sharing your kindness outwardly.

Smiles cost nothing. They are easy to make, they help you to feel better when you are sad, depressed, or angry. And, when given freely, they a have payback of tenfold.

Being an avid smiler, at the same time, I also realize that this form of expression can be very difficult for some. Whether they are going through a very difficult period or just have a hard time showing their feelings. The latter, may view smiling as a weakness or vulnerability. I am here to tell you that it is not. It is both beautiful and fulfilling!

So please smile wide and often. And if no one has smiled upon you today, be my guest and take this post as my big smile to you, because you matter and deserve it! Oh yeah, and here's a quick hug. Now, go out and share!

Anger and Resentment...Live and Let Go!

We all, at one time or another, have experienced the harsh feelings of anger and resentment brought into our lives by another.Whether it be a horrible ex-boss, an ex-spouse, a hurtful friend or family member. Even an incidental encounter with a stranger can have a greater negative impact than expected, lingering on far longer than you thought it would or should.

Yes, it's perfectly reasonable to be appropriately angry and resentful when you are hurt, whatever the situation you have found your self in, but you must know that holding on too long to these negative emotions loses its intended effectiveness of dealing and moving forward by holding you back with a very heavy load to carry.

In essence, what I am trying to convey to you is that you cannot live a life full of gratitude and acceptance if you harbor old resentments along the way. These issues, if not dealt with properly and put aside, will haunt you forever.You must rid yourself of this heavy load. No one gains from your anger, it only makes you miserable and holds you back. It only overshadows your future experiences in a negative light. The only one you are in constant battle with is yourself, and deep down inside you know this to be true. You cannot continue to blame others for your misery. At some point you have to take full responsibility for your own feelings and stop blaming others.

Brighten your future by deciding to not allow room in your being for this negativism to stay around, and in turn, rule your thoughts and processes. However you decide to go about this is your journey. It could come in the form of confrontation (in a peaceful and adult manner) with this individual by letting them know how they have affected you, and then either try and reconcile or move on without them in your life. Be careful if you go into this conversation with great expectations of validation, because this may not happen. Therefore, you will have to prepare yourself for whatever the end result is as far as your relationship goes.

In some cases, a conversation is just not possible. The other party may be long gone already, either by death or distance, or you just don't want anything to do with them any longer. When this occurs, you must search inside yourself and have your own personal conversation. Either way, it is imperative that you seek the lesson to be learned from each of these experiences and try to never to allow yourself to revisit them in a physical sense, only to remember them in order to keep on track.

Choose to be happy, not angry. Choose to walk forward, not back. Choose acceptance over sorrow. Choose to live and let go!