Friday, July 22, 2011
I happened upon these "rules" originally written in Old English and thought I'd translate them out for you (with my own bit of twist added in), dear reader, to ponder. (the original author is unknown)
1. No one is perfect so do not try to be perfect yourself. Just be your perfectly imperfect self.
2. You cannot be all things to all people. This is just a recipe for failure.
3. Sometimes, it's best to leave things undone that ought to be done. Go with your instinct.
4. Do not spread yourself too thinly. You cannot be there for everyone, even though you'd like to be.
5. Learn to say no. (I've already blogged about this one because there is just so much to this)
6. You must always find time for yourself and be surround by a supportive network. Be with people who enrich your life, not suck you dry with their relentless needs and wants.
7. It's alright to switch yourself off and do nothing regularly. Seriously, make "taking a break" part of your routine. Everyone needs to be recharged.
8. Try not to be boring, untidy, inelegant, and unattractive at all times. Be your best and shine so that others may walk into your glow and effervescence. Lead by example.
9. Don't walk around feeling guilty all of the time. This does nothing but make you miserable and look like a martyr, and martyrs can be quite tiresome.
10.Lastly, never be your own worst enemy and always be your own best friend. Self-love is of utmost importance.
My intention is for you to "soak" these in and for them to assist you in having some peace of mind.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
|(me and my daughter)|
The moment I gave birth to my very own daughter, I knew that I did not want the same childhood relationship between mother and daughter that I had had. I vowed to make it better and right with her. In this process, she and I would become stronger, happier, and extremely bonded. It seemed as though, instinctually, I just knew what not to do as well as what to do. I have always been quite empathetic when raising my children, so putting myself back into my daughter's little shoes (and bigger ones as she's grown), I was able to relive, reconcile, and nurture her in the way in which I felt a mother's loving guidance should be. I am happy to say that she and I have a beautiful relationship, and I look forward to what the future brings between the two of us.
I share these words with you, dear reader, because of the many women that I see who suffer from resentful and dysfunction emotions associated with their relationships with either their mothers, daughters, or sometimes even both.
You see, the mother-daughter journey is a very complicated and intense life experience. So much so, that there have been numerous books and talk show "chats" about this very subject. My intention in today's post is to put things in simpler and more hopeful terms.
I'd like to convey to you, dear reader, some points in the following numbered statements:
1. No one's relationship with another is perfect. They are all flawed in one way or another. This is how it is and should be (we are here to learn). Do not feel as though you have to achieve perfection on this level.
2. Everyone has an innate desire for parental approval even though they may not admit it.
3. Women emulate their mother's behavior, good and bad. It is for you to choose the better and deal with the bad by separating yourself from it.
4. If your mother comes from a childhood full of chaos and/or disapproval, she may not have ever had the emotional capacity needed to raise you with the love, affection, and acceptance that you required. Also,she may never admit to or validate your feelings toward her. This has nothing to do with your worthiness.
5. We are all entitled to love and cannot thrive without it.
6. With your own daughter, never ever over compensate for your own mother's shortcomings. This will not bring you closer. It will only perpetuate your ill feelings toward your mom and in turn, breed new ones within your own daughter.
8. You do have the power to choose a better and brighter life for yourself and your own daughter.
9. You do have the power to move forward with love for yourself and be a positive influence to your daughter.
10. You do have the power to not allow anyone to be neglectful and indifferent toward you, especially your mother.
11. A good relationship between mother and daughter is not a given for anyone. It is a blessing to be appreciated and cherished.
12. You are the link between what your mother was to what your daughter will become.
Remember, it was your mother's responsibility to raise you, not the other way around. If there is still hope in your relationship, you may be able to help guide her and yourself to a more respectful and loving relationship. Within honestly and openness, you may be able to mend the broken fences and, in turn, breath new life into your outlook. Also, you may then have peace of mind when it comes to your relationships with all the other women in your life.