I have always said that the day my first born came into the world (my daughter), I not only cried tears of joy, but also those same tears you shed when you see someone you have not seen in a very long time. I knew, at that very moment, that she was my soul mate. I was sure that we had traveled thoughout eternity together and that we were again reunited.
When she became about 6 months old, I had the most incredible epiphany. Maybe it was brought on by me being the empathetic person that I am, but for what ever reason, I felt extremely blessed; as I had realized that she was my gift to myself that forced me to relive and repair my own childhood.
As time passed and old childhood memories followed (age appropriate to her) I was able to work through the negative and embrace the positive. In doing so, my mission would be to raise my children where their lives would be a correction to mine and therefore they would be better people than myself. I would be able to gift the world much more confident, happier, and brighter individuals.
So far (they are both teens, one is graduating from high school in a few weeks), I am pleased to say that this empathetic and positive motivator has worked quite well. They both have seems to be on the right path to being amazing adults.
I have encountered parents who live their lives through their children as opposed to with them. Also, I have found that some parents seems to have a need to overcompensate for their own childhood inadequacies. Of course, there are those who continue to perpetuate their own dysfunction to the next generation. This all makes me quite sad.
The journey of parenthood is for both parent and child. Growth should be a forward motion with a goal of enlightenment. I must share that I am most fortunate in the fact that my immediate family (mom, dad, and both brothers) are always open and loving when it comes to discussing with them any old issues that need to be revisited, discussed, and repaired. My children also see this and are comforted by it. Knowing that is one of the most healthy ways to move forward. Remember,we as parents, lead by example.
Beautiful. I also find some healing from my past in raising my children.
ReplyDeleteIt's quite a beautiful thing. I'm so glad you've have the same positive experience with your own children... :)
ReplyDeleteYou and your children have a most special and precious relationship with respect for each other right up there!
ReplyDeleteI know I made a ton of mistakes in raising my ex-wife's two children. They came into my life when Daniel was six and Julie was two, and I had no experience whatsoever in raising kids prior to then. I tried to give them as much love and support as I could, but in the end, now that their mother and I are no longer together, neither seems to want to have much to do with me even though I was their stepfather for 17 years. This makes me sad, as I feel like those years were wasted... and even though I know they weren't, I still ask myself every day what I could have done differently.
ReplyDeleteNo time given in Love is ever wasted....remember that. Your influence will be part of who they are forever......Please take comfort in knowing that Brian... :)
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to tell you how much I realate to what you wrote here. I always felt that my son, in particular was my solemate ans a real mirror, through which I could see my early self. This helped me to understand both of us better. My daughter and I are not so much in sync, but it was she, the first child that acted as an eraser for me. When she was born, all I lacked in childhood that pained me, ceased to matter, In creating a different reality for her, the pain of the past that still lingered in me was put where it belonged. In the past. Very astute observations about what child rearing can do for a person.....other than exhaust them! :-D PLW
ReplyDeleteAislind....Your comment made me feel totally connected. Thanks so much for the validation of sorts. Wouldn't it be wonderful if more people could see these great possibilities in theirs and their children's future...My best to you and your precious children..... ;)
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