Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Unconditional Love for Your Family Does NOT Give Them a Free Pass to "RIGHT"

I was fortunate enough to be raised by a family where being honest with one another and speaking our minds was natural and encouraged. This in no way means that being so made us disrespectful of one another, it was actually quite the opposite. It has brought us to a point where we are all very close. We are not afraid of calling each other out on any subject. Talking things through, we all feel very comfortable and at ease with each other. There are no secrets or skeletons, and our deep love and affection for each other is quite evident. We know that we are all unconditionally loved by each other. We feel safe.

We also know that this affection does not give anyone of us a free pass for being right. We never make excuses for one another because we are related. We don't put up with any kind of disrespect nor would anyone of us even think to do anything to each other without the best intentions in mind. If anything, we expect more from each other because of our close relationships.

I share this with you, dear reader, because of all the pain, anguish, resentment, and excuses I have encountered with others' family issues. It is always unsettling to me when I see someone putting up with some form of major dysfunction, in one way or another, because they are "family".  Making excuses for their bad behavior because they are "family". Biting their tongues because they are "family". Accepting their abuse because they are "family". Enabling them in one way or another because they are "family".

Our family members have in them the greatest capacity for the love that surrounds and nurtures us. They also, in turn, have the greatest capacity to hurt and destroy our spirit. We expect more of them because they are family for they also have the power over us cause feelings of great disappointment and sadness.

If you have no other choice but to be in the presence of family members that are hurtful and/or disrespectful, you must approach them in a way that is true and honest to yourself. If confronting them on an issue is the answer, please do so. If totally avoiding them is possible, please do so. If worse come to worse and cutting then out of your life entirely is the only healthy way for you, then please do so. I do not mean to seem callus. This is not my intention. My intention is for you to not allow anyone to make you feel badly about yourself or the ones you love, even it they are family. Like I said before, you should expect more of them and no less. If you come to the realization that they are not capable of showing the love and respect that you deserve, then you can no longer find yourself capable of accepting their warped sense family. This madness stops with you.

Free yourself from these unrealistic bonds. Be true to yourself and set a positive and empowered example for your children, other family members, and friends. You deserve to be loved unconditionally in the right way!