We also know that this affection does not give anyone of us a free pass for being right. We never make excuses for one another because we are related. We don't put up with any kind of disrespect nor would anyone of us even think to do anything to each other without the best intentions in mind. If anything, we expect more from each other because of our close relationships.I share this with you, dear reader, because of all the pain, anguish, resentment, and excuses I have encountered with others' family issues. It is always unsettling to me when I see someone putting up with some form of major dysfunction, in one way or another, because they are "family". Making excuses for their bad behavior because they are "family". Biting their tongues because they are "family". Accepting their abuse because they are "family". Enabling them in one way or another because they are "family".
Our family members have in them the greatest capacity for the love that surrounds and nurtures us. They also, in turn, have the greatest capacity to hurt and destroy our spirit. We expect more of them because they are family for they also have the power over us cause feelings of great disappointment and sadness.
If you have no other choice but to be in the presence of family members that are hurtful and/or disrespectful, you must approach them in a way that is true and honest to yourself. If confronting them on an issue is the answer, please do so. If totally avoiding them is possible, please do so. If worse come to worse and cutting then out of your life entirely is the only healthy way for you, then please do so. I do not mean to seem callus. This is not my intention. My intention is for you to not allow anyone to make you feel badly about yourself or the ones you love, even it they are family. Like I said before, you should expect more of them and no less. If you come to the realization that they are not capable of showing the love and respect that you deserve, then you can no longer find yourself capable of accepting their warped sense family. This madness stops with you.
Free yourself from these unrealistic bonds. Be true to yourself and set a positive and empowered example for your children, other family members, and friends. You deserve to be loved unconditionally in the right way!
Case in point.....Casey Anthony...Arghhhh
ReplyDeleteNuff said!
Very well said! I was also fortunate enough to be raised in a family where speaking our minds was encouraged. It helped me to learn that I deserve love and respect. (and being welcomed into a second family that has shown me that same love and respect has been a blessing and is something I never thought I'd actually have!) Unfortunately, that has not been the case with most other people I have known. People should know that you are worthy of love and respect, even if it is a family member who is is causing issues.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's Casey Anthony... omg...
I can only dream of having a family like that, my family for the most part is very hurtful and its very painful to be in there presence I feel physically ill dealing with them, they lived away from me for a very long time then they came back and my life has never been the same I would so give anything to have them go away and leave me in peace I hate the holidays and I hate what this has done to my own family....;(
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteBoy did your comment strike a nerve. I have a mother, father, brother and sister-in-law in my immediate family and have not had anything to do with them for 3 years. I tried to settle what was bothering me and finding a resolution, but they refused to listen, thinking they did nothing wrong. I was looking after my parents (in their late 80's) for a year before the blow-up. It is such a long story, but I do understand how you feel and just wanted to know that I feel your pain. I too want them to go away. For the most part, in my case, I do not hear from them, but being in the same town, I dread going to the same stores they go to in fear of running into them. I feel like an
orphan! thank God for my husband and children, who have also "lost" their grandparents and Aunt and Uncle. I hope I haven't added to your grief, but I had to respond as your post definitely hit home. Take care of yourself, because you are most important in this cluster.
It's hard, I know.....take care, I care!
Brooke...you are most fortunate and truly realize that you are. And I am lucky to be able to vouch for your beautiful family. Unfortunately, I feel that we are not the norm these days, hence the post... xox And thanks for the comment! ;)
ReplyDeleteDearest Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, let me thank you for sharing your personal and deep feelings on this matter. Family dysfunction can range from as incidental as the Crazy Uncle no one wants to be around to the Patriarch who leads his family as though he is the ruler of an evil dictatorship; to your situation where everyone in one's family seems to be more horrible than the next resulting in your feeling as though you are suffocating through life in their presence. I will be thinking of you often and hoping that you are able to find some sort of peace among the lunacy. Also, please know that you are not alone and that this post is in representation of all who suffer from family failure. Blessings:)
My husband taught me that just because you're blood related to someone, doesn't mean you have to put up with their nonsense. And I don't any longer. If you disrespect me, you're out. Whether you're related or not. Being family no longer ensures one a place in my world.
ReplyDelete