Mothers and Daughters, Daughters and Mothers.......

(me and my daughter)

To tell you the truth, I was not as close to my mom growing up as I would have liked. It wasn't util I left the house (at 18) that we became close. So close, in fact, that I just about worship her and all that she is to me. She is my heart, my home, my very best friend; and I'd be lost without her love in my life.

The moment I gave birth to my very own daughter, I knew that I did not want the same childhood relationship between mother and daughter that I had had. I vowed to make it better and right with her. In this process, she and I would become stronger, happier, and extremely bonded. It seemed as though, instinctually, I just knew what not to do as well as what to do. I have always been quite empathetic when raising my children, so putting myself back into my daughter's little shoes (and bigger ones as she's grown), I was able to relive, reconcile, and nurture her in the way in which I felt a mother's loving guidance should be. I am happy to say that she and I have a beautiful relationship, and I look forward to what the future brings between the two of us.

I share these words with you, dear reader, because of the many women that I see who suffer from resentful and dysfunction emotions associated with their relationships with either their mothers, daughters, or sometimes even both.

You see, the mother-daughter journey is a very complicated and intense life experience. So much so, that there have been numerous books and talk show "chats" about this very subject. My intention in today's post is to put things in simpler and more hopeful terms.

I'd like to convey to you, dear reader, some points in the following numbered statements:

1. No one's relationship with another is perfect. They are all flawed in one way or another. This is how it is and should be (we are here to learn). Do not feel as though you have to achieve perfection on this level.

2. Everyone has an innate desire for parental approval even though they may not admit it.

3. Women emulate their mother's behavior, good and bad. It is for you to choose the better and deal with the bad by separating yourself from it.

4. If your mother comes from a childhood full of chaos and/or disapproval, she may not have ever had the emotional capacity needed to raise you with the love, affection, and acceptance that you required. Also,she may never admit to or validate your feelings toward her. This has nothing to do with your worthiness.

5. We are all entitled to love and cannot thrive without it.

6. With your own daughter, never ever over compensate for your own mother's shortcomings. This will not bring you closer. It will only perpetuate your ill feelings toward your mom and in turn, breed new ones within your own daughter.

7. If you have the opportunity to confront your mother and she is willing to mend your relationship and move forward, then you are blessed. On the other hand, if your mother is no longer with you or she is not open to having a conversation, then you must move on in the acceptance of this fact. You will not be able to change the damage that has already been done. You can only look to the future by letting go.

8. You do have the power to choose a better and brighter life for yourself and your own daughter.

9. You do have the power to move forward with love for yourself and be a positive influence to your daughter.

10. You do have the power to not allow anyone to be neglectful and indifferent toward you, especially your mother.

11. A good relationship between mother and daughter is not a given for anyone. It is a blessing to be appreciated and cherished.

12.  You are the link between what your mother was to what your daughter will become.

Remember, it was your mother's responsibility to raise you, not the other way around. If there is still hope in your relationship, you may be able to help guide her and yourself to a more respectful and loving relationship. Within honestly and openness, you may be able to mend the broken fences and, in turn, breath new life into your outlook. Also, you may then have peace of mind when it comes to your relationships with all the other women in your life.

Be a good mother. Be a good daughter. Be blessed, for you are what love is.......

"It's the end of the world as we know it" ...Time to take charge and close those doors!

Tomorrow, May 21, 2011 has some predicting The End of The World, The Rapture. I take none of that crazy talk seriously but it did get me thinking as to how we can all turn this around into something wonderful, positive, and empowering. I see an opportunity here to use this moment to reflect upon our lives with the purpose of closing the doors (in essence, ending the life) on some of the issues that have been annoying us, bothersome, and contributing to sleepless nights up until this point.

Why not choose to end these disturbances (kill them off) ourselves instead of waiting for them to dissipate as time goes on. Because, in some circumstances, by being completely honest with yourself, you know very well that that is not going to happen. We must try to become more proactive in our approach concerning these matters.

For instance, is there a relationship that is going absolutely nowhere, never will and/or is a great burden to you? Well then, close the door and end it. Is there a negative behavior that you posses knowing full well that is bothers and irritates others? Then, again, close the door and end it. Is there a project that has been nagging at you to finish? Do you feel that it is just too big to handle and it's keeping you up with worry at night? Go ahead, make plans to just get it over with, closing the door and ending it.

 By making these difficult decisions and following through, you will ultimately gain  the confidence needed to not allow these types of situations to enter or stay long into your life again. You will have the power to close the door and end it yourself. You will be the master of your own destiny. The commander and chief of your world. You will forever insist on being treated with respect and dignity, by being in control of how others interact with you. You will find yourself actually wanting to treat others with respect. With hard work and perseverance it could become your new second nature.

The ending of the world as you know it (in certain aspects in your life) will allow new doors to be opened. It will also breath new life into your outlook, and in turn, attract more positive energy to you with a bright and strong vibe leading they way.