Balancing Acts.......

And there has been no more prevalent time in my life for this struggle (within myself) as it has been with my teenagers. It's quite the balancing act, for sure. As a parent you must learn to let them go. Even if it is just bit by bit. Each time you loosen the reigns, they grow a little more. Sometimes, you may find that pulling back is just what's needed, in order for you to then, give them even more leeway. It's a constant dance of back and forth.

I'm still in the midst of this give and take phase. I know my children will thrive and most probably turn out to be fine, but I only hope that I will survive this particular journey.

You see, dear read, I'm quite attached to my children as I'm sure many of you are, and the thought of them not being here with me always, is hard for me to wrap my thoughts around. I know reality will kick in soon enough and the fruits of my child rearing labor will ultimately come to fruition.

And yes, logic tells me that this is what is supposed to happen, and that the Universe will be better off as a whole for it. I guess that last thought is what gives me peace of mind. The knowing that they will be contributing great kindness, love and empathy to all that they encounter, throughout their lives.

And in this, I will know full and true pride.

Telling others how PROUD you are of them is most important and we all need to hear it....

We are all born with the basic need to feel loved and accepted. One of the ways in which we show each other our fondness is by telling them how proud we are of them. We need to hear such things from our friends, peers, loved ones, and most of all, our parents (or caregivers). The act of telling your children how proud you are of them is one of the many fundamental building blocks of a healthy self image.

In order for us to feel good about who we are (and in turn feel good about those we choose to surround ourselves with) we must feel a sense of worth and importance. This positive self image is then perpetuated by the way in which we treat others as well as ourselves. If someone expresses that they really never care about how others feel about them, or that they don't require approval of any kind, they are not being truthful with you and most importantly, are lying to themselves. They are in denial and therefore, at times, can seem cold and unaffected.

If we are not nurtured with prideful caregivers, this leaves us forever seeking approval in others, often at our own expense. We then become victims and travel in the same dysfunctional circle for a lifetime, never finding the peace within ourselves to know that we are important and that we can accomplish great things; always wondering why we are not good enough and why life is so unfair. When a parent neglects their child in this way, they feel either consciously or subconsciously a sense of emptiness or a void. Until they are able to revisit and resolve their parents/care giver's shameful behavior and come to realize that the rejection they have felt had nothing to do with them but with the caregivers themselves, they will not have inner peace.


I share this subject today, with you, dear reader, for I was inspired (yesterday) by some one very special and important to me who has gone out of their way to show me this type of acceptance over the past few weeks. And for this, I am truly grateful. My hope for you is to help free you up of any old negative preconceptions about your worthiness and abilities.

We all have many accomplishments to be proud of. These accomplishments need not be monumental. They could be as simple as just getting through a rough day, not loosing your temper, helping out a dear friend, finishing a project on time, or smiling when you feel like crying. You should be proud of yourself each and every day. You should also say the words out loud: "I am very proud of you!" to those who deserve it, when it is appropriate and true.  These kind words should mean as much to you as to the recipient. Now, watch their face light up with delight!

Be Proud. Be Happy. Be True.

Rewarding One's Self in Keeping With Your Effort....

All positive efforts deserve a positive payback which validates the original effort. For instance, in growing a vegetable garden or fruit trees, your reward would be the healthy literal "fruits" of your labor. The freshly sliced tomato, the ripe peaches, or even the glass of wine.

We could take this theory in another direction by citing the rewards benefited from losing the weight you needed to and then going out and purchasing beautiful new clothes for your beautiful new body (then bump it up a notch and get a few accessories!). In yet another direction, you could use the example of the personal rewards received when after working very hard and diligently to be a good parent for many years and then seeing the glorious outcome of a well adjusted and loving individual that you can now present to the world on their own. They, in turn, becoming even better parents/people than you.

All these labors come into fruition with the final results you had hoped and worked hard for, in it being a gift in itself. But be careful: you should always be mindful of your rewards as to not to undermine your original effort and in doing so start an unhealthy cycle.

Let me refer to the weight loss example first. You should never reward yourself with the object (or habit) that got you into trouble in the first place, like going out to gorge on a large meal to "celebrate" the new you. All this does is place the unhealthy importance on food that you have been trying to psychologically ween yourself off of while taking the weight off. If you want to go out to dinner and feast, pick another reason. Otherwise, you are just undermining your original efforts and will eventually fall right back to day one when you looked into the mirror and decided that you had to make some changes and that a long road lies ahead.

As a parent, you may think you are doing a great job by making up for your inadequate or dysfunctional childhood to one extent or another but too many times I have seen this parental behavior/style backfire in the form of overcompensating and spoiling, resulting in a child who becomes one who feels entitled and unsympathetic to the world around them. This is not good on a generational level.

I find it most fulfilling when your rewards come full circle. These experiences will be more whole and complete. You will feel a great sense of accomplishment while being grateful at the same time. In these accomplishments you will be able to share your wisdom and nurture others in their own personal journeys. Another circle. Another connection. Another smile shared in deep satisfaction and self fulfilling love.

Note: All photos on this post are some of the Rewards from my gardening!