Dealing with Regret and Moving Forward on a Brighter Path....

 

Regrets are a form of emotional baggage carried by us all. Some, the figurative size of backpacks, others, the enormity of a full set of luggage all compartmentalized into each individual suitcase. This type of baggage is a heavy load to carry along life's path, holding you back and perpetually increasing in volume and mass if not addressed.

 

I would like to say that I have no regrets but then again, I'd be lying. And so would you if you said the same. If we were given the opportunity to turn back time and undo a choice or action, the vast majority would jump at the chance. Unfortunately, that cannot happen. You cannot turn back the hands of time. You cannot have a "Life Redo". But what you can do, is to revisit these adverse choices and their subsequent consequences with an honest and open heart.Then, choosing to learn from these mistakes and appreciating some of these self inflicted advertises as gifts of wisdom and knowledge.This helps us to not dwell on them. These experiences (in part) have led you to the place you are at this very moment in time. They are the culmination of who you are.

 

Reflecting on these circumstances will aid in your coming to peace with them. If you do not given them the proper acknowledgment you will be cheating yourself out of a future which includes good choice making skills and, in turn, the same mistakes will be repeated over and over. They may take on different forms, as time goes by but they will still, in essence, hold the same motivations.

 



 

Moving forward with a lighter load will help you to make better choices. It was also aid in drawing a more positive vibe your way. You will no longer feel held back and your self-pity factor will be greatly decreased if not all together eliminated.

 

If, during this reflective journey, you find an opportunity to right a wrong, please do. Being it as simple as an apology to some one you have hurt in the past. Validating the feelings of another who you have harmed is most important (if possible). Not only will they feel better but then so shall you.

 

I, myself, ponder my past choices quite often. I try to use them as good current decision-making tools. I can easily open my "backpack", take a reflective look, and close it back up till needed again. I make it a point to not forget these moments but to rather continually learn from them. You see, sometimes it is not as apparent as one would like, what the benefits of these adversities are until you find yourself at a certain place and time where they are called upon to show you their gifts.

 

May your load be lightened and you path be brightened!

Thoughtful Thoughts.....Empower Yourself.............

They say that you teach others how to treat you, and therefore must take some responsibility for those who treat you badly.
I believe this to a most valid assumption.
You,dear reader,must choose to embrace the power which you posses.
If you look close enough, you will find that you do have choices and options.
I wish you the strength to make these decisions with the love for yourself that you need and deserve.
Have peace of mind in knowing the you will always have the most power over you than anyone else does.

My Life's Journey just took a sharp Left Turn.......

My husband never goes to the doctor, but he went for a complete physical last week for the first time in 5 years. What prompted him into making this appointment was his not getting over a bout with bronchitis, loosing about 20 pounds (without trying) and a few other issues.

The "call" came from the doctor's office yesterday with his test results. He has Type 2 Diabetes. We will be going back next week to start him on meds; be given a glucose meter, nutritional advice, and whatever else necessary to start our new journey. He's in a bit of denial, which is quite understandable. I am not surprised, given that fact that I myself had gestational diabetes while carrying my children and my dad has Type 2 Diabetes. I just had a "feeling", which I brought up to him before the test results came in. He told me that I was crazy because as far as he knew, no one in his family has ever had this disease. Well, now they do.

I must share with you, dear reader, just a bit of my history. After having my kids (in my thirties) and being on the heavy side (to be kind), the doctors told me to watch my weight and to quit smoking because I was in the high risk category for getting Diabetes in my forties. I have since taken off all the weight needed and have maintained my size for many years now. I have done this by completely changing my eating habits (which I will go into more depth in another post).

Simply stated, I do no eat anything out of a box (except pasta on occasion). No processed foods and the more veggies the better. My carbohydrate intake is quite low, yet I just about drink extra virgin olive oil. In a nut shell, I've been eating like a diabetic for many years now. As for the smoking, well, let's just say, that's all gonna change for the better.

My husband also smoked, until this morning. When he got home from work last night and after our long talk with each other and then with our children, I put into motion his new diet regimen. I did not want to wait for his appointment next week because his AC1 number what very very high as was his fasting glucose level.

This morning, I sent him off with 2 hard boiled eggs for breakfast to replace his 2 daily donuts (he simply loves sweets). I also placed small healthy meals in his lunch bag and off he went, leaving behind his newly purchased carton of "smokes" on the kitchen table.

Now, there are a couple of ways in which you can "go" when life goes left. We could wallow, worry, and steep ourselves in self pity and despair. Or, we could do just the opposite and change directions from left to right, having the attitude that this new adversity presented to us will be looked upon as a gift of sorts. A reason to make life changes for the better. I have chosen to take control behind the wheel of misfortune and make a sharp right turn!

In doing so, these adverse circumstances will allow us all (the four of us) to live a happier and hopefully healthier lifestyle for the following reasons:

1. Better food choices for all! Remember, now my children have a grandfather, father (and a mother on the edge) with Type 2 Diabetes.

2. More exercise! This, I am not too thrilled with, as I am not too fond of the "E" word. Even though we have a complete gym downstairs (which with recent guidance from my dad on his last visit, my son, has become quite happy to do) and my daughter has her own gym membership at the local gym. Now to get me and my husband in gear, the slugs that we are.

3. More doctor visits for my husband and I! Yes, I'm gonna have to bite the bullet myself and start going for regular yearly physicals. My husband will unfortunately have to make routine visits for the rest of his life.

4. Quitting smoking! Let me first just say that we do not smoke all over the house. It's either an outside "job" or in the store room in the basement. I hate the smell of smoke and have never wanted my kids constantly surrounded by it's toxins. This being said, I will be struggling. I am hoping to get some kind of RX in order to help aid me through this eminent and most difficult personal/physical journey.

I share this recent event with you, dear reader, in order to hopefully assist you with your own physical/medical adversities at this time. You are not alone.. Please know that this is not the first, the worst, nor the last one I expect to have in my life here on earth. I wanted to show to you how and why I have decided to deal with this issue in the here and now. I also wanted to set a personal example of how I try to approach adversity.

Please walk with me in this decision to make that left turn right. To seek hope into what the future may bring and to have peace of mind in knowing we've made the "right" choices and the strength to make it through.

Family far and away........

Growing up in the northeast, I moved around a lot, but always lived within a 50 mile radius of my very large family. This made them all very accessible at all times and therefore a constant part of my life, until the the age of 18 when we (my immediate family) all packed up and moved across the country. Waiting for us in Arizona were a few family members that had moved there a couple of years back. For the next 15 years or so, I stayed in Arizona, far away from the bulk of my family members. It was an adjustment at first, but as time went by, it became my new norm.

Married with a toddler and pregnant with my second child, my husband and I decided to take the position offered to him in Texas by his current employer at the time. He went ahead of us, and after my son was born, me and the kids met him there and stayed for 4 years. After that, he was offered another position in the Mid-Atlantic, across the country; and off we went.

I was done with the desert and longed to be back east. This is where I wanted to raise my kids. This is were I felt they would thrive and this was the place that I wanted to call home forever more. 11 years later, we are still here and I am grateful every day. It was one of the best decisions for my little family.

I share this with you, dear reader, so that you know where I am coming from when I speak to the many issues faced when living far away from your family. Making these choices to leave your loved ones is never an easy one. I have based my own decisions to move by what I thought would be best for my family. If that meant having to move away, then so be it.

My children have never known what it is like to be raised in a large family. They have never had the experience of playing with all of their cousins. Nor have they had the opportunity to be able to go the Grandma and Grandpa's whenever they wanted. They do not know the joy of great family gatherings during the holidays or the fun of an impromptu visit from aunts and uncles.

The fact that they have not been able to experience the love and closeness that comes with being surrounded by family makes me sad for them. They know no different, but I do. They have not suffered a loss, but I know what could have been. With all this being said, I still feel that these decisions were the right ones. The fact that they have thrived, regardless of the absence of extended family, is proof that is was.

I want to let you know, dear reader, that if you have to or have made the choice to move away from family that it will be alright. You will adjust and can start a new chapter in your life with a relocation away from your loved ones without any guilt. If you choose to move for the betterment of your family's quality of life, let no one guilt you into staying. You must do what is best for you and your family. If those around you love you, in a true and selfless way, they will let you go and not try and selfishly hold you back. (I know that there are extenuating circumstances to these statements, but for this post, I must generalize)

The other motivator for writing this post today is the current situation many are finding themselves in due to the poor economy. We all know someone, if not ourselves, who is suffering with financial difficulties. During these unfortunate times, we are having to make the most difficult choices. In some instances, one of them could be the decision to have to move their family far and away from their loved ones in order to either keep their current job or find a new one. If this is the case, I want you to know that even though these moves are difficult, you will find peace of mind in the end. I want you to have faith that you and your family can get through this life change. I want you to hold out hope for the brighter future that awaits your family, even though it may take you away from those you love.

Please remember that once you and another person are close at heart, you are forever close souls. No matter how far apart you may reside from each other, your love has no boundaries and your soul does not know space and time. You are forever bonded. You are always near and dear to those that matter most, no matter how close you live to each other or how far.

I wish you well. I wish you success. I wish you peace of mind.

Questioning Everything and Everyone....Go ahead, It's OK!

I've always had a bit of an issue with "authority", in every aspect of the word. No, I'm not disrespectful (quite the opposite) nor have I ever been. I easily find myself questioning those around me, in whatever capacity, as to what information I am being fed, at any given time, by whatever the source. I question things around me and search for answers that feel right. Answers that are logical, concise, and make clear sense to me.

It does not matter from who,what or even where I get the information I require. If it does not smell right, I will ask. I have no problem questioning anyone in any position or occupation. I do not care about the degrees held or the position appointed. These things do not intimidate me on any level.

I prefer to make choices that I feel are best suited for me and my family and, in order to do so open and honestly, I refuse to just take someone's word for things if it does not feel right. I have learned to not be manipulated into believing in things just because they are either written, spoken, or televised for that matter. I require all points of reference.

I know what it is like to put trust in others who should know better only to have find out (many many years later) that this trust was manipulated and, in turn, distorted my view. Coming full circle (I will discuss "circles" very soon), I see that my natural instinct to question has always been most true to me.

I share this view with you, dear reader, so that you will allow yourself to question those around you. To not believe in things (whatever they may be) just because you are told so. Just because you've read it some where, and so on. Anyone can write a book, preach a vision, or be a pundit on television.

I want you to be able to look at your world circumstances through a wider and more loving lens. To know that whatever it is that does not feel or seem right to you, it's more than acceptable to find the path that does suit you and the ones you love by questioning it. It's OK to question authority in all aspects. It OK to wonder why you've been doing certain things in your life that bring you no joy because you feel guilted into it by whatever force. It OK to ask "why".


You must allow yourself to inquire about all things in order to live a more peaceful and harmonious life. You know, in your heart and soul, what is right for you. You also know that you must always be true to yourself. As humans, the act of inquiry is most natural and necessary. Be true, be happy, and start asking yourself the most important questions.

The Unconditional Love for Your Family Does NOT Give Them a Free Pass to "RIGHT"

I was fortunate enough to be raised by a family where being honest with one another and speaking our minds was natural and encouraged. This in no way means that being so made us disrespectful of one another, it was actually quite the opposite. It has brought us to a point where we are all very close. We are not afraid of calling each other out on any subject. Talking things through, we all feel very comfortable and at ease with each other. There are no secrets or skeletons, and our deep love and affection for each other is quite evident. We know that we are all unconditionally loved by each other. We feel safe.

We also know that this affection does not give anyone of us a free pass for being right. We never make excuses for one another because we are related. We don't put up with any kind of disrespect nor would anyone of us even think to do anything to each other without the best intentions in mind. If anything, we expect more from each other because of our close relationships.

I share this with you, dear reader, because of all the pain, anguish, resentment, and excuses I have encountered with others' family issues. It is always unsettling to me when I see someone putting up with some form of major dysfunction, in one way or another, because they are "family".  Making excuses for their bad behavior because they are "family". Biting their tongues because they are "family". Accepting their abuse because they are "family". Enabling them in one way or another because they are "family".



Our family members have in them the greatest capacity for the love that surrounds and nurtures us. They also, in turn, have the greatest capacity to hurt and destroy our spirit. We expect more of them because they are family for they also have the power over us cause feelings of great disappointment and sadness.


If you have no other choice but to be in the presence of family members that are hurtful and/or disrespectful, you must approach them in a way that is true and honest to yourself. If confronting them on an issue is the answer, please do so. If totally avoiding them is possible, please do so. If worse come to worse and cutting then out of your life entirely is the only healthy way for you, then please do so. I do not mean to seem callus. This is not my intention. My intention is for you to not allow anyone to make you feel badly about yourself or the ones you love, even it they are family. Like I said before, you should expect more of them and no less. If you come to the realization that they are not capable of showing the love and respect that you deserve, then you can no longer find yourself capable of accepting their warped sense family. This madness stops with you.

Free yourself from these unrealistic bonds. Be true to yourself and set a positive and empowered example for your children, other family members, and friends. You deserve to be loved unconditionally in the right way!

"It's the end of the world as we know it" ...Time to take charge and close those doors!

Tomorrow, May 21, 2011 has some predicting The End of The World, The Rapture. I take none of that crazy talk seriously but it did get me thinking as to how we can all turn this around into something wonderful, positive, and empowering. I see an opportunity here to use this moment to reflect upon our lives with the purpose of closing the doors (in essence, ending the life) on some of the issues that have been annoying us, bothersome, and contributing to sleepless nights up until this point.

Why not choose to end these disturbances (kill them off) ourselves instead of waiting for them to dissipate as time goes on. Because, in some circumstances, by being completely honest with yourself, you know very well that that is not going to happen. We must try to become more proactive in our approach concerning these matters.

For instance, is there a relationship that is going absolutely nowhere, never will and/or is a great burden to you? Well then, close the door and end it. Is there a negative behavior that you posses knowing full well that is bothers and irritates others? Then, again, close the door and end it. Is there a project that has been nagging at you to finish? Do you feel that it is just too big to handle and it's keeping you up with worry at night? Go ahead, make plans to just get it over with, closing the door and ending it.

 By making these difficult decisions and following through, you will ultimately gain  the confidence needed to not allow these types of situations to enter or stay long into your life again. You will have the power to close the door and end it yourself. You will be the master of your own destiny. The commander and chief of your world. You will forever insist on being treated with respect and dignity, by being in control of how others interact with you. You will find yourself actually wanting to treat others with respect. With hard work and perseverance it could become your new second nature.

The ending of the world as you know it (in certain aspects in your life) will allow new doors to be opened. It will also breath new life into your outlook, and in turn, attract more positive energy to you with a bright and strong vibe leading they way.

Dealing with regret and moving forward on a brighter path.......

Regrets are a form of emotional baggage carried by us all. Some, the figurative size of backpacks, others, the enormity of a full set of luggage all compartmentalized into each individual suitcase. This type of baggage is a heavy load to carry along life's path, holding you back and perpetually increasing in volume and mass if not addressed.

I would like to say that I have no regrets but then again, I'd be lying. And so would you if you said the same. If we were given the opportunity to turn back time and undo a choice or action, the vast majority would jump at the chance. Unfortunately, that cannot happen. You cannot turn back the hands of time. You cannot have a "Life Redo". But what you can do, is to revisit these adverse choices and their subsequent consequences with an honest and open heart.Then, choosing to learn from these mistakes and appreciating some of these self inflicted advertises as gifts of wisdom and knowledge.This helps us to not dwell on them. These experiences (in part) have lead you to the place you are at this very moment in time. They are the culmination of who you are.

Reflecting on these circumstances will aid in your coming to peace with them. If you do not given them the proper acknowledgment you will be cheating yourself out of a future which includes good choice making skills and, in turn, the same mistakes will be repeated over and over. They may take on different forms, as time goes by but they will still, in essence, hold the same motivations.

Moving forward with a lighter load will help you to make better choices. It was also aid in drawing a more positive vibe your way. You will no longer feel held back and your self pity factor will be greatly decreased if not all together eliminated.

If, during this reflective journey, you find a opportunity to right a wrong, please do. Being it as simple as an apology to some one you have hurt in the past. Validating the feelings of another who you have harmed is most important (if possible). Not only will they feel better but then so shall you.

I, myself, ponder my past choices quite often. I try and use them as good current decision making tools. I can easily open my "backpack", take a reflective look, and close it back up till needed again. I make it a point to not forget these moments but to rather continually learn from them. You see, sometimes it is not as apparent as one would like, what the benefits of these adversities are until you find yourself at a certain place and time where they are called upon to show you their gifts.

May your load be lightened and you path be brightened!